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                         Out of the Depths I Cried!

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By David Wilkerson
September 13, 1999
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          "Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord.
          Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the
          voice of my supplications. If thou, Lord, shouldest
          mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is
          forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared"
          (Psalm 130:1-4).

          David suffered incredibly under the Lord's chastening
          rod. On every front, things went horribly wrong in his
          life. He faced overwhelming floods of trouble, awful
          physical maladies, tragedy after tragedy, a kingdom in
          turmoil. His troubles mounted so high, he didn't think
          he would survive. And he cried out, "Save me, O God;
          for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep
          mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep
          waters, where the floods overflow me" (Psalm 69:1-2).

          Yet David's outward troubles didn't bother him nearly
          as much as did his inward horrors. He was afraid the
          Lord had utterly forsaken him. He wrote, "Thou hast
          laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps"
          (88:6). "Thy wrath lieth hard upon me..." (verse 7).
          "...I suffer thy terrors..." (verse 15). "Thy fierce
          wrath goeth over me..." (verse 16).

          David believed God had abandoned him because of his sin
          - a thought he simply couldn't bear. He pleaded with
          the Lord, "Let not the waterflood overflow me, neither
          let the deep swallow me up, and let not the pit shut
          her mouth upon me" (69:15). He was saying, "Oh, Lord,
          please - don't let me go so far down I can't get out!"

          David also anguished over the scandal he'd caused in
          Israel. His sin had been exposed, and the whole world
          knew about it. His grief over the shame he'd caused was
          so overwhelming, he begged God, "...make me not the
          reproach of the foolish" (39:8).

          David even feared that God might take his life as
          judgment for his sin. His every waking moment was
          filled with thoughts of being struck down in wrath. He
          cried out, "O Lord, rebuke me not in thy wrath..."
          (38:1).

          As all these anxieties fell on David, his soul was
          filled with the holy fear of God. He confessed, "I
          remembered God, and was troubled..." (77:3). Here is a
          puzzling statement. Why would David be troubled if all
          his memories of God's work in his life had brought him
          joy and happiness? What could possibly trouble him
          about that now?

          David was distressed because all his thoughts were
          consumed with how God was going to deal with his sin.
          He felt the chastening of the Lord's rod in his flesh,
          the arrows of truth piercing his soul with ferocity:
          "Thine arrows stick fast in me..." (38:2).

          This man's conscience now placed a heavy weight on him.
          He knew he'd sinned against all the love and light he'd
          received from heaven. The Lord had mercifully delivered
          him time after time from his past failures. And this
          time, David knew he deserved to be cast aside. So he
          fell ever deeper into sorrow and confusion, writing,
          "...mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I
          am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of
          mine head..." (40:12).

          I know a number of Christians who are just like David.
          They're lovers of Jesus - yet they've sinned horribly
          against the light they've been given. They've heard
          thousands of righteous sermons, read the Bible daily
          for years, spent countless hours in prayer. Yet they've
          sinned against all of God's blessings. How? They have a
          besetting sin they've never dealt with!

          Over time, their sin has shut off their communion with
          Jesus. And now the Holy Spirit has fingered their
          habit, holding it up before them. He's warning them,
          "No more - this sin must go! I won't wink at the way
          you keep indulging it. From now on, you're under a
          deadline. I've exposed your sin to you - but soon it
          may be exposed to the world!"

          Whenever they enter God's house now, they can't even
          lift their heads. And they cry as David did, "My sins
          are too numerous to count! My iniquity has so taken
          hold of me, I can't even lift my face to heaven!"

          They've lost all the joy, cheer and freedom they once
          enjoyed. They're no longer able to pray or sing with
          any life or power. And they carry around a great sense
          of failure. They've become weak, soul-sick, bowed down,
          ready to faint. And they know it's all because their
          sin has cut off their communion with God!

          Does this describe your soul's condition at the moment?
          If so, thank God for his mercy. He's implanting in you
          a holy fear of the Lord! That's why you're sinking
          further into the depths of conviction. You're under the
          weight of a troubled conscience!

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                 Many Sincere Believers Make Every Diligent
                 Effort Not to Turn His Grace Into License
                   - Yet They Realize Their Walk Doesn't
                     Measure Up to His Holy Standard!

                      -------------------------------

          Most Christians are relieved to know they're not
          included in Paul's list of damning offenses:

          "Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the
          kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators,
          nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor
          abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor
          covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
          extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God" (1
          Corinthians 6:9-10).

          Yet as they read the next verse, they feel the piercing
          arrow of truth: "And such were some of you: but ye are
          washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in
          the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our
          God" (verse 11). Suddenly, they remember a besetting
          lust they've never been able to shake. They think,
          "Wait a minute - I've been delivered and sanctified. So
          why can't I quit this habit? I'm not truly free!"

          Maybe you've returned to an old lust recently. Perhaps
          you've visited a pornography website on the internet,
          or you're in-volved in adultery or homosexual sin. Or
          perhaps you've stolen goods from your employer, or
          you're sneaking a drink on the way home from work.
          Whatever your habit is, you know you're not free in
          that one area. Yet God has said very plainly, "You
          can't enter my kingdom if you continue in sin!"

          Don't be surprised if you start to feel the way David
          did. Whenever the Lord sees one of his children
          wrestling with some lust or bondage, he moves in
          quickly to bring us back to a path of obedience, peace
          and rest. How does he do this? He brings about
          conditions in our lives that force us to face our sin!

          Often this means taking us down into the depths, as God
          did with Jonah. He allows us to feel his rebuke and to
          be swallowed up by our circumstances. Yet it was while
          in the darkest depths that Jonah cried out to God. And
          the Lord responded to his servant's cries quickly,
          restoring him to his blessing and will!

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                         It Was in the Depths That
                      David's Praying Became Intense!

                      -------------------------------

          In desperation, David cried out, "Lord, hear my voice:
          let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my
          supplications" (Psalm 130:2). This sounds to me like
          the plea of a dying man. David obviously wasn't just
          uttering "thought prayers." He was face-down on the
          ground - broken, contrite, pleading with God from the
          very depths of his heart:

          "O, Holy God Jehovah - you must hear my cry! I can't go
          on any longer. My sin is ever before me, and I'm
          sinking with fear and dread. Please, God, have mercy on
          me!"

          David knew his soul needed a release. And he turned to
          God alone to find that release. He concluded, "I'm in
          such a dire condition, only the Lord can help me now. I
          can't rely on counselors, friends, even family. My only
          hope is in prayer. So I'm going to cry out night and
          day until God hears my plea!"

          Many Christian marriages desperately need the kind of
          release David sought. All across the land, I see
          couples sinking into dark pits of despair. Spouses
          claim to love one another, but they're not even civil
          when they speak to each other. They show more kindness
          to strangers than they do to their mate. Over time,
          their home has become a deep-freeze of downright
          meanness. They don't know it, but they're free-falling
          into destruction, their relationship fast spinning out
          of control.

          Perhaps your marriage has fallen as far down as it can
          go. You and your spouse have hit rock bottom, and you
          wake up every day wondering if there's any hope left.
          You've even been tempted lately to leave the
          relationship permanently.

          Beloved, you need to wake up to your condition! You've
          fallen into a black hole, full of ungodly attitudes.
          And this condition won't simply wear off by itself.
          Unless you take action, it will only get worse until
          one of you finally kills the marriage.

          Wake up now to the Holy Spirit's voice! There's sin in
          your marriage - and it's being committed by both you
          and your spouse. You have to deal with it, or you'll
          remain at the bottom of the dark well forever!

          So, to whom are you taking your grief? Are you spilling
          your guts to your best friend? If so, are you merely
          building a case against your spouse? If you're seeing a
          counselor, are you actually seeking a justification for
          ending it all?

          Please don't mistake me - I believe in marriage
          counseling. But if you seriously want to get to the
          source of the problem, there's only one place to go.
          You need to look no further than your own heart! The
          sin is right there inside you. And, like David, you
          need to cry out to the Lord for mercy!

          Have you gotten as desperate as David was? Have you
          shut yourself in with the Lord, falling on your face
          and crying out to him? Dull, quiet, lazy praying won't
          accomplish anything. If you're not unburdening your
          soul to God, you don't really want healing - you want
          out!

          David testified, "...I have roared by reason of the
          disquietness of my heart... and my groaning is not hid
          from thee" (Psalm 38:8-9). You have to cry out loudly,
          as David did, "Lord, hear my plea! I'm not letting go
          of you until you answer!"

          Let me illustrate the kind of desperation David had.
          Suppose you're on your way home one day. As you turn
          the corner of your street, you see fire trucks parked
          in front of your house. Black smoke is billowing out
          the windows, the whole place about to go up in flames.
          And you know your mate and children are trapped inside.

          Tell me - how calm and quiet would you be in that
          moment? How long would you stand by doing nothing,
          hoping the fire dies down on its own? Would you sit
          there quietly praying, "Jesus, I hope you put out the
          fire"? No! If you had any love in your heart at all,
          you'd race through the smoke into your home and try to
          do something!

          If your marriage is in trouble, then your house is on
          fire - and your relationship is going up in blazes! And
          if you allow this fire to continue, you're going to
          lose everything!

          So, do you have the fear of God in you about your
          marriage? Are you burdened down with guilt and
          condemnation over your role in its disintegration? If
          so, don't try to ease your conscience. God is sending
          you his strong word because he loves you. He's
          mercifully warning you, trying to wake you up before
          you self-destruct. So run to him, and pray diligently.
          That's where all healing begins - by calling urgently
          on his name!

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                     David Realized He Couldn't Remain
                     In the Depths of Despair for Long,
                         Or He Would Be Destroyed.

                      -------------------------------

          David knew he had to have a life-saving word, or all
          hope would be gone. So he cried, "If thou, Lord,
          shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?"
          (Psalm 130:3).

          If I were to put David's words in modern, everyday
          language, they would sound something like this: "Oh,
          Lord - I saw you only as the great private investigator
          in the sky - trailing me every moment of the day,
          marking down all my failures, tapping my phone,
          listening to my every thought, videotaping my every
          step, building a case against me daily. And you gather
          enough proof to put me away forever.

          "Lord, with all the evidence you've gathered, what
          chance would I have? How could I stand, when my own
          evil words and secret deeds testify against me? How
          could I do anything but wait to be judged and
          condemned?

          "Every day I wake up fearing your awful wrath against
          my sin. Who can stand before a holy God who punishes
          iniquity? Not even the most holy, humble, trusting
          souls can escape your judgment. And if they don't
          measure up to your law, what chance do I have? I've
          sinned more wickedly than them all!

          "I know my sin displeases you, Lord. And I know you
          won't allow it to continue. But if I don't see just a
          sign of your mercy soon, I'm finished. My soul is
          bankrupt, hopeless. I can't go on!"

          Many Christians struggle as David did. When the holy,
          righteous fear of God is implanted in their souls, his
          terrible majesty constantly looms before them. Streams
          from his fiery law point straight into their hearts,
          and they begin to wither in agony. Like David, they cry
          out, "Lord, who can stand before you? Who can endure
          your holiness?"

          Our ministry regularly receives letters from sincere
          Christians who struggle with homosexuality. The tone of
          their writing sounds a lot like David's agony. Many of
          these precious people have grown up in the church, and
          they love Jesus with all their heart. But they can't
          get free from their homosexual lust. They end up in
          despair, wilting under guilt and condemnation. One
          desperate young man wrote, "Pastor David, if I can't
          find a release from this bondage soon, I have no
          choice. I'm going to take my life."

          Tragically, multitudes of homosexuals, lesbians,
          alcoholics and drug addicts have taken their lives
          because they've fallen so far down into the depths.
          They couldn't escape the sense they were continually
          failing God. And they constantly wondered, "I should
          have the power to overcome this, but I don't. How can I
          ever get free?"

          Jonah asked the very same question. He was literally at
          rock bottom, on the ocean floor, unable to escape his
          dilemma. He too cried out, "Thou hast cast me into the
          deep, in the midst of the seas; and the floods
          compassed me about: all thy billows and thy waves
          passed over me.I went down to the bottoms..." (Jonah
          2:3-6).

          According to Jonah, who cast him down into those depths
          of darkness? The Lord did! Indeed, it was God who took
          the prophet down to the very bottom and prepared the
          whale to swallow him. When Jonah called his troubles
          "your billows, your waves," he was referring to the
          Lord.

          Yet, God wasn't mad at Jonah, merely tallying up his
          sins. So why did he allow this to happen to him? Why
          did he send him to the depths? He wanted to stop his
          servant from running away from his will! He wanted
          Jonah to follow his plan, so he would be blessed. In
          short, God took Jonah down to the depths in order to
          restore him!

          Jonah 2:2 tells us exactly what God was after: "...I
          cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and
          he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou
          heardest my voice." The Lord was waiting for Jonah to
          turn to him - to cry out to him alone! "Then I said, I
          am cast out of thy sight; yet I will look again toward
          thy holy temple" (verse 4). "When my soul fainted
          within me I remembered the Lord..." (verse 7).

          Today, the Lord does the same thing with us: He
          delivers us by allowing us to go down into the depths.
          He lets us sink in despair over our sin until we have
          no other source to turn to but him. And finally, out of
          the belly of our hell we cry, "Oh Lord, please hear me!
          I've hit bottom, with no hope in sight. You've got to
          deliver me!"

          Perhaps you've hit rock bottom over your sin. You just
          can't seem to get victory over that one besetting lust
          or bitterness. And now the Lord has allowed you to go
          down to the depths. Yet it's all for a purpose. He's
          hoping that, like Jonah, you'll "look again to him."

          Rest assured, when Jonah cried out to the Lord, God
          delivered him quickly: "The Lord spake unto the fish,
          and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land" (verse 10).
          God told the whale, "That's enough - now, spit him out.
          My servant has called out to me, and I'm going to
          answer him!"

          Your heavenly father doesn't want you to stay down at
          the bottom, withering under a heavy load of guilt and
          condemnation. His desire is that you learn your lesson
          there - and place all your dependence on him!

                      -------------------------------

                       Too Many Christians Stay Down
                   in The Depths, in Total Despondency.

                      -------------------------------

          For many believers, sinking to the bottom means the
          end. They become so overwhelmed by their failures, they
          develop a sense of unworthiness. And over time they
          feel trapped beyond any help. Isaiah wrote of such
          believers, "O thou afflicted, tossed with tempest, and
          not comforted..." (Isaiah 54:11).

          Some eventually get mad at God. They grow tired of
          waiting for him to move. So they cry accusingly, "Lord,
          where were you when I needed you? I cried out to you
          for deliverance, but you never answered. I've done
          everything I know how to do, yet I'm still not free.
          I'm tired of repenting and crying, without ever seeing
          any change!" Many such believers simply give up trying
          and give themselves over to their lust.

          Others fall into a fog of spiritual apathy. They're
          convinced God doesn't care about them anymore. They
          tell themselves, "...My way is hid from the Lord, and
          my judgment is passed over from my God" (40:27). "The
          Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me"
          (49:14).

          Still others end up focusing all their attention on
          their sin, trying to keep themselves in a constant
          state of conviction. Yet this only causes them to be
          bewildered, crying, "...our sins be upon us, and we
          pine away in them, how should we then live?" (Ezekiel
          33:10). The fact is, feeling conviction is not an end
          in itself. When we're humbled by guilt and sorrow over
          our sin, we're not supposed to rest in those feelings.
          They're meant to drive us to the end of ourselves - and
          to the victory of the cross!

                      -------------------------------

                    David Was Brought up From The Depths
                by Remembering the Forgiving Nature of God!

                      -------------------------------

          After all his weeping and crying out to the Lord, David
          ended up testifying, "But there is forgiveness with
          thee, that thou mayest be feared" (Psalm 130:4). The
          Holy Spirit began to flood his soul with memories of
          God's mercies. And suddenly, David recalled all he'd
          learned of the father's forgiving, pardoning nature.
          "...thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and
          merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness..."
          (Nehemiah 9:17).

          Soon David was rejoicing, reminding himself, "For thou,
          Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in
          mercy unto all them that call upon thee" (Psalm 86:5).
          "Who forgiveth all thine iniquities..." (103:3).

          Here is one of the foundational promises of the New
          Covenant. Jeremiah declares, "...I will forgive their
          iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more"
          (Jeremiah 31:34). And Paul adds in the New Testament:
          "...having forgiven you all trespasses" (Colossians
          2:13). God has promised us his forgiveness, for every
          sin!

          However, this promise of forgiveness is limited to
          certain people. It applies only to those who have been
          crushed and sickened by their sins...who have gone down
          into the depths of guilt...who have endured the
          soul-searching of the Holy Ghost... and who have
          repented and turned to Christ in faith!

          Jesus himself says that not everyone who cries, "Lord,
          Lord," will enter the kingdom of God. Sadly, multitudes
          of Christians aren't troubled at all by their sin.
          Their besetting habit doesn't bother them in the least.
          They've convinced themselves that God is so merciful
          and full of grace, he'll pardon them even if they
          stubbornly continue in sin.

          No - never! They've appropriated to themselves a false
          peace! They've choked off the Holy Spirit's
          convictions, searchings and dealings. They've sought
          forgiveness before their guilt could ripen into godly
          sorrow!

          Yet, at the same time, God's forgiveness can be
          obtained only by faith. We can't reason it out.
          Christ's gift to us of his blood atonement is so deep,
          so gracious, so mysterious, it's far beyond any human
          ability to understand. We may see the law clearly
          applied to our sin. We may feel condemnation, fear and
          guilt over our trespasses. But our heavenly father
          stands lovingly beside us at all times, ready to
          forgive. The blood of Christ, the love of the father,
          the Lord's desire to pardon - all these blessings are
          known only by faith: "...The just shall live by faith"
          (Galatians 3:11).

          You may wonder - how many times will the Lord forgive
          you for indulging the same sin again and again? Rest
          assured, his incredible forgiveness is unlimited. Every
          time you sin, you can go to Jesus and find deliverance.
          Yet the Lord's forgiveness is not unwise or blind. To
          be sure, our heavenly father forgives us - but at a
          certain point, he punishes us to keep us from
          continuing in sin.

          When my four children were growing up, I had to punish
          them for doing wrong. I would call them into my room
          for a spanking - and when they saw the belt in my hand,
          they would burst into tears. They cried, "No, Daddy!
          I'm sorry. Please, forgive me!"

          I did forgive them. But that didn't stop me from
          applying the belt. I knew if I didn't apply it, it
          would become meaningless to them - a joke rather than a
          source of discipline. Likewise, God's law is always
          there to remind us of his holy standard. It's a beam of
          his holiness to us, reminding us of his ways - and that
          he means what he says!

          Let me leave you with a word of hope. If you're in the
          depths right now because of your sin - if you're
          weeping because of the Lord's rod on your back - be
          encouraged. He's chastening you because of his tender
          love. He's taking you down because he wants you to know
          his fear!

          What, exactly, does it mean to fear the Lord? It means
          being able to say, "I know my father loves me. I'm
          safely, forever his, and I know he'll never abandon me.
          He feels my pain whenever I struggle. And he's patient
          with me as I war against sin. He's always ready to
          forgive me whenever I call on him. But I also know he's
          not going to allow me to keep disobeying his word. My
          heavenly father won't spare me - because he loves me
          deeply!"

          That is the point of it all. God wants us to accept his
          forgiveness so that we may fear him. "There is
          forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared"
          (Psalm 130:4). Once we fear the Lord, we'll want more
          than just to obey him. We'll want to please him, to put
          a smile on his face. That is the blessed result of the
          holy fear of God!

          ---
          Used with permission granted by World Challenge, P. O.
          Box 260, Lindale, TX 75771, USA.

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